It's all a matter of size ...

Ross strolled out from the kitchen, pausing briefly at the ice cream cooler where slid back one side of the glass panels and helped himself to a bowl of Cherry Vanilla. He was plopping the third scoop in the dish when he noticed J-- watching him intently.

"Um," Ross hesitated and glanced around the shoppe before continuing, "didn't have any lunch," he observed in a forced tone, "just a bit peckish today."

J-- laughed as he spoke, "Sure Roscoe, whatever. No need to convince me. I'm not your conscience."

Ross slid the panel closed as he laughed. Then stepping towards where J-- sat on the couches, he pulled a spoon from the dispenser at the prep centre. Taking a large spoonful of ice cream he grinned as he sat down, "Gotta sample the product, otherwise I can't honestly recommend it to the customers, right?"

"Like I said," laughed J--, "whatever!!"

J-- glanced at the magazine in his hand then looked up and with a serious face asked Ross, "What kind of car do you drive?"

A surprised look crossed Ross' face as he answered, "A Toyota. Why?"

"Oh, just the article I'm reading," said J-- lifting the magazine up in his hand, "It claims there's a connection between a man's ego, the size of a part of his body and the size of the car he drives."

"What?" Ross' jaw dropped and the spoon slipped from his fingers into his lap, "It says that ..." His voice trailed off as the question lingered.

"Well, it says that the bigger the car, the more fragile the man's ego is, and the smaller the guy's .."

"It's doesn't say THAT," interrupted Ross.

"Sure right here," J--'s index finger marked a place in the magazine, "I'll read it to you."

"No, that's okay," said Ross his face reddening, "I'll take your word for it."

"Okay, " J-- chuckled, "So what do you think it says about the guys tooling around in those enormous over powered four by fours?"

"I don't even want to think about it?" laughed Ross, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Hey," J-- called over to a customer sitting at a table by the fireplace, "what kind of car do you drive?"

Confused, the young man answered, "A Mazda. Why?"

"Hmmm," J-- furrowed his brow thoughtfully while his eyes twinkled mischievously, "so, you a confident guy?"

"I guess so,"

"Got a girl friend," asked J--.

"Married," observed the young man, holding up his left hand and motioning to his wedding band with his right.

"Wife got any complaints," asked J--, smirking slightly.

"Only that I work to0 much."

"Any complaints," J-- glanced around the shoppe and lowered his voice conspiratorially, "in the bed room?"

"Not that it is really any of your business," said the young man, his confusion giving way to irritation, his voice growing strongly emphatic, "BUT NO!!"

J-- turned to Ross and smiled, "See!! Like the article says ... " his index pointed to magazine.

"The article said what?" enquired the young man.

"Oh," replied J--, "it says there's a direct connection between the size of a man's car and his ego and the size of his ..."

"J--!!" Ross interrupted, "can't you just show him the article?"

"Oh yeah," answered J--, as he handed the magazine over to the young man, "hadn't thought of that."

"Sounds reasonable to me," said the young man taking the magazine, and laughing. "But what kind of car do you drive old man?" he asked J--.

J-- pointed out the front window to the Volkswagen parked on the street, "That's mine."

"I take it you agree with the article," observed the young man.

"Absolutely," laughed J--, "absolutely."

The Little Bantam Rooster ...

"So tell me what you think," said Jaydee as she slid the papers across the table top towards J--.

"What is it?" asked J--, his eyebrows arching hopefully.

"A little short story I've been working on," said Jaydee smiling, "if it's any good maybe I'll work it out as a children's book or something."

"Nice," said J--, "give me a few minutes and I'll let you know." He picked up the papers and glanced at them as Jaydee moved back towards the counter. Smiling he began to read her words:

He strutted around the Barn Yard, certain that he was THE rooster, and that all others were beneath him and worthy only of his contempt.

He was a proud rooster. The farm yard was his domain. Everyone cowered before him. His cock comb glistened in the sun, his tail held high spoke of his confidence.

His was the only voice that heralded the breaking of the dawn. He was and remained the king of all he surveyed. The other fowl knew how important and powerful he was, and none dared challenge his superiority.

And so this morning with great flourish he stepped into the sun, prepared to stroll like a King amongst his loyal subjects.

He headed to the feed dish. There was no need to push his way through the crowd of cackling hens. They would move for him. He was the important one, and he and they knew that.

So as he stepped up to the edge of the battered bowl lying among the weeds he cleared his throat with a slight cackle that caused the hens closest to him to glance back nervously, then with profuse apologies they stepped aside and granted him access to the feed.

"Ah," he thought as he proudly stepped forward, "this is THE WAY it should be. The proper etiquette must be followed ..."

"Thank you," he squawked with great pomposity.

The hens murmured in reply.

Later in the day, as he strolled around the yard he noted that the farmer was lifting a cage out of the back of the battered old truck he drove around.

"What's this?" the Rooster asked himself as he approached the gathering crowd of hens watching the action intently, "what he doing?"

Around him was a shrill chorus of "I don' know ...", "Looks like a new rooster ..." and most cutting to the Bantie the phrase, "Oooohhhh, isn't he handsome?"

A feeling of apprehension and fear gripped the rooster as he watched the farmer reach down and open the cage and set free a flurry of red feathers that zoomed across the farm yard directly at the Rooster and Hens.

Later, while he was nursing his wounds under the apple tree, the Little Bantam rooster would remember only the WALL of red that crested over him like a tsunami. He had never seen a rooster so big and powerful. He had never realized how tiny he himself really was. His importance in the barn yard evaporated in the twinkling of an eye, as the Barn Yard gained a new monstrous sized Rooster.

Suddenly the little Bantam Rooster realized that he was not only a tiny physical presence, his irrelevancy also broke over him with a harsh redefining of everything he held dear ...

Bitter tears welled up in his eyes as he sat under the tree watching the new kid on the block strutting so proudly in HIS barn yard ... yet even as he nursed feelings of revenge, the painful twinge of his wounded limbs an pride reminded him that he simply lacked the abilities to do ANYTHING about it beyond nursing his bitterness privately and secretly ... He picked himself off and strolled off towards the duck pond hoping they haven't heard of his downfall, and would perhaps help him plot his revenge ...

J-- finished his reading and looked up to find Jaydee standing expectantly by his table.

"Well??" she asked hopefully.

"Not bad," said J-- with a smile, "it's good. It needs a bit of work, but it's good."

"I know," said Jaydee smiling broadly, "but what do you think?"

"I like it," said J--, "it reminds me of people I know who have the small man syndrome happening."

"Huh?" Jaydee looked confused, "what do you mean?"

"Oh, the guys who are small in stature and have a whole bag of issues because of it," said J-- laughing, "They are like little Bantam Roosters, strutting around thinking they're important until a bigger rooster, or the barn yard dog lays a beating on them. They are just laughable to watch."

"Oh," a realization broke over Jaydee, "I know people like that!"

"So do I," J--, lifted his coffee to his lips and took a drink, "and unfortunately, they are all too able to find ducks willing to work with them against the rest of the barn yard ..."

"Ain't that the truth?" said Jaydee, "But back to the story. What do you really think?"

"I really like it," said J-- smiling, "It's a good start. Keep working at it."

"Thanks," she said as she went back to work, a smile etched on her face.

We're back ...

I LOVE this scene in the movie ... this image speaks volumes and has become a cultural icon ...

So, I could think of no other image that is SO well suited to the resuming of The Chipperfield Chronicles ...

Yes!! The Chipperfield Chronicles are back ... some of the old gang will make periodic appearances, and I will definitely do my part here to promote what remains a delightful and spectacular presence (in Real Life) on Main St in downtown Minnedosa ... BUT ... and this is very important ... the intent here is to tell stories.

FICTIONAL stories ... things that really DIDN'T happen ... Stories that are MADE UP ... Stories that are the figment of my sometimes twisted imagination ... STORIES that have absolutely NO BEARING in the truth or reality as YOU or I or ANYONE may envision it.

One of my favourite insults comes from the TV show WKRP in Cinncinatti, where Mr Carlson's son comes to the radio station after being tossed out of a private military school. In one scene he, Les and Herb are in the staff room and Les and Herb push him to find out what Mother Carlson has said about them.

Arthur junior announces that she has called Les "Obtuse" and Herb was "addle minded". Both men excitedly look up these new "compliments" in a dictionary ...

Well, I feel the need to stress the simple FACT that this BLOG is a place of FICTIONAL (feel free to look the word up if you have to - that helps clarify things) STORIES !!!!

The reason for this clarification is BECAUSE there have been more than JUST a few people who have taken the stories here as REALITY, and have acted accordingly. I would say they have exhibited behaviour that is both OBTUSE and ADDLE MINDED in the process ... but that strikes me as a tad redundant ... because those who have exhibited this behaviour won't understand what words like Fiction, Obtuse, addle minded and reality mean any way ... so, it's a waste of my breath, or in this case, my keyboarding !!!!

So - as we begin ... This will be a place of made up stories ... they may or may not involve the old crew ... there may or may not be similarities to real life events ... that's the nature of fiction. If something strikes a chord for you - ask yourself WHY??? BEFORE you jump all over me ...

Here in this place the only requirement is an enjoyment of a GOOD STORY ... or at least my offerings ...

So ... in the coming days, stop by - pour a coffee, settle in and lets get re-acquainted with a marvelous place called Chipperfields ... a place where EVERYONE is welcome ... and the coffee is always hot ... and the stories are Freshly fictional !!!