Sunday, February 25, 2007

Reality Check !!!

Let me begin with the following definition:

fic·tion (fkshn)
a. An imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but
has been invented.
b. The act of inventing such a creation or pretense.
2. A lie.
a. A literary work whose content is produced by the imagination and
is not necessarily based on fact.
b. The category of literature comprising works of this kind, including
novels and short stories.
4. Law Something untrue that is intentionally represented as true by the narrator.

JUST SO WE ARE CLEAR - Chipperfield Chronicles is a place of fiction!!! The stories here are simply that - STORIES. The characters ARE based on real people, the events bear some similarities to events that MAY have occured in the shop, and even some of the jokes have been told around the tables.

BUT, let me be clear - the stories here are fictional!!!
Made up.
A product of the imagination.
A stretching of the truth.

This reality is clouded by the photos that are posted from time to time chronicling the events happening in the real life Chipperfield Coffee Company, but since the beginning of this blog, it has been a place to play with stories - FICTIONAL STORIES !!!

The events here have not happened.
The Conversations here have NOT happened.
The happenings have simply never happened.


It is my hope that people will stop sharing the stories here like they have any connection to real events or the truth - they DON'T ... the only connection to reality is that I have, with the permission and enthusiasm and I daresay the participation of the folks at the REAL LIFE Chipperfields', used them and their locale as the place in which I spin my stories ...

Clearly this seperation is too hard for some people to comprehend - but I hope by spelling it out folks may finally start to grasp this ...

Say it with me people: "This is a place of ficitional stories !!"

Fiction - made up ... not true ... just story !!

GOT IT ???

Friday, February 23, 2007

Overheard at Chipperfields' ... Part LXVI ...

"Hi boss," Kriss called out cheerily as Bonnie came in the front door and swung past the counter saying nothing as she zoomed by Kriss and Tracy.

"Was she crying?" asked Tracy, watching Bonnie disappear into the back room.

"I dunno," said Kriss, glancing ovr at J-- and a group of regulars sitting at the table in the corner by the juke box. Her glance was met with a collective shrug.

Both women watched as Bonnie emerged from the staff washroom in a large oversized men's plaid shirt, rather than the uniform shirt she had been wearing when she went into the back. As she came up to the front and pumped herself a coffee both Kriss and Tracy stood and said nothing for a long moment. Then as Bonnie turned to return to the back room, Kriss broke the silence with a smirk-like smile.

"Nice uniform," she said grinning, before she could say any more Bonnie cut her off.

"I don't want to talk about," Bonnie snapped as she wiped away a tear.

It was then that Kriss noticed that Bonnie's face was a bit redder than normal. "Did you go to the Tanning Salon again?"" asked Kriss, as she surpressed a smile.

"I said, I don't want to talk about it," said Bonnie.

"Did you stay in too long?" asked Kriss, not willing to let it go.

"Why would you say that?" asked Bonnie.

"Because you came in here and changed into something loose," observed Kriss, "and if I'm not mistaken you've taken off your bra ..." Her hand motioned to the top three buttons that revealed more flesh than she had planned.

Bonnie's hand gripped the collar of the shirt closed as she looked around the shop, noting that J-- and the three regulars sitting at the corner table were engrossed in a conversation and paying no heed to the happenings behind the counter. She turned and faced the cooler as she refastened the top three buttons on the shirt and checked the others for good measure before speaking.

"If you must know," Bonnie began as she gently smoothed the fabric of her shirt with one hand, "I went to the tanning salon for an eight minute session to get ready for our vacation down south, and I did get burned."

"Really," said Kriss gleefully, "I was right?? I was only guessing," her face broke into a broad smile.

"Where did you get burned?" asked Tracy, her face reflecting her concern.

"All across here," Bonnie's hand motioned across her tummy, "and here," and her chest.

"Ouch," said Tracy with a wince, "that couldn't be comfortable," she observed.

"That's why I changed from the tee-shirt to this," Bonnie's hand motioned over the plaid shirt she was wearing.

"Ouch," repeated Tracy.

"I was right," Kriss was still smiling, "I can't believe I was right."

"Move on Kriss," Bonnie hissed, "you're taking too much delight in this."

"Sorry Bonnie," said Kriss, her smile fading ever so slightly, "I don't mean to make light of it, but I WAS just guessing when I asked if you had burned yourself."

"Whatever," Bonnie glared at Kriss.

"Bonnie," Kriss spoke softly, "did you know you also burned your forehead," Kriss' eyes were drilling into Bonnie's forehead.

"Oh my gawd," gasped Bonnie as her hand shot up to cover her forehead. As her hand made contact she shrieked, "ow !! That hurts."

Kriss surpressed a laugh and Tracy turned and took a dish cloth and ran it under cold water, "Would you like me to run tot he pharmacy ad get you some Noxema or something?" Tracy asked as she handed the cold damp cloth to Bonnie.

"Thanks," said Bonnie, taking the dish cloth and putting it on her forehead, "I'll call Ross on his cell phone and get him to pick something up." As she spoke she picked up the phone handset and began dialing.

After a moment she spoke, "Ross where are you?" There was a pause, "Ross are you crying?" Following another pause she spoke again, "Ross are you okay?" The three women glanced up as Ross walked slowly and uncomfortably past the front windows, his cell phone held to his ear.

As he walked in the front door, Bonnie disconnected the phone and looked up, watching Ross enter through the front door. Ross tucked his phone into his pocket as he stepped through the inner door. The three women behind the counter gasped, drawing the attention of J-- and the regulars at the table.

"OH MY GAWD," exlaimed J--, "Ross you look like a freakin' Tomato!"

Ross with tears in his eyes nodded mutely.

"Ross," Bonnie's voice was soft, "Did you get an all over tan?"

Ross nodded.

"Ross," Bonnie paused before continuing, "If your face is THIS red," her hand waved up towards his face, "How red is the rest of you?"

Ross' shoulder sagged and he shook his head. The crew in the corner and Kriss and Tracy stood entranced by the unfolding scene in front of them.

"Ross?" Bonnie's voice was soft, "How long were you on the tanning bed?"

"I booked for eight minutes,"He said, his voice nearing the breaking point, "but I fell asleep and she got busy and ..."

Bonnie interupted him with a gasp, "Oh My gawd. You didn't ..."

Ross nodded as he spoke, "I was on the bed for almost 25 minutes ..."

Kriss burst out laughing, "Ross, that's terrible ..." Her broad smile offered no modicum of compassion.

From the corner J-- and the regulars snorted with delight.

"Gee Ross," J-- was smiling broadly, "That's tough ..." he snorted with laughter.

Ross tried to smile and winced, "Oh, it even hurts to smile."

Bonnie reached out a hand and gently stroked his cheek. Ross grimaced.

"THAT, even hurts," he said, his eyes tearing up.

Tracy headed to the back room, "I will be right back."

"Where are you going?" asked Bonnie.

"I'm going to the Pharmacy to get you both something for those burns," said Tracy as she grabbed her coat off the chair, "you're gonna need it ..."

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Overheard at Chipperfields' ... Part LXV ...

The Rev was sitting at one of the tables with a stack of books and material spread across the table in front of him, he was working on a variety of paperwork including some of his sermon preparation. He looked up as J-- strolled in the front door of the shop.

J-- paused to greet the four women sitting on the couches in front of the fireplace. The Rev took the pause to gather up his paperwork and clear a space for J-- and the two other regulars who had followed him in the door.

J-- smiled at JayDee as he hung his winter coat up on one of the chairs lining the counter in front of the computer, "I'll have my usual," he said to her with a broad grin.

"One Manitoba Organic coming up," said JayDee, with a warm smile in return, "I'll bring it out to you when it's ready."

J-- put his right thumb in the air and winked with a 'click, click' sound as he headed over to the table and joined The Rev, "Working on your sermon?" J-- asked as he sat down.

"Yeah," answered The Rev, "that and doing some paper work for the Building project."

"Still working on that giant Bobble Headed Jesus for the Bell Tower?" asked J-- with a snicker.

"Yeah," laughed The Rev, "I'm trying to line up donors to help make it happen too!!" He laughed as he pulled out a sheet of paper, "I'm just looking over the material from the architect for the upcoming board meeting. We're getting close to having everything finalized and sent out to tender."

"That's kind of exciting," said J--, smiling, "betcha a year ago when the old Church burned down you didn't think you would see this day did you?"

"There were moments," said The Rev, nodding his head in agreement, "I'll tell you though, the fire really was the least of the issues that was facing us last year."

"Oh I know," laughed J--, "I know ..."

The two men laughed and nodded their heads in unison.

"So, did you ever get off that Impaired Driving charge?" asked J--, his eyes twinkling.

"Yeah, I used the 7000 dollars that I took from the church," affirmed The Rev, smiling and laughing.

"Anybody who believes that kind of stuff is not playing with a full deck," stated J-- with a broad smile, "but then you gotta consider the source. And we ALL know where this nonsense has come from. And, when you're dealing with alcoholic families you're dealing with some pretty strange stuff."

"You don't need to tell me that," said The Rev, "Been there, done that, and I got the T-shirt to prove it. Wanna see it, it's black with white writing on it?"

The two men again laughed as J-- asked, "So, you're getting close to breaking ground?"

"Looks that way," said The Rev pulling out the latest floor plan for the new church building from the pile of paper work in front of him, "hopefully when the frost comes out of the ground and the lot dries up in the spring."

"Excellent," exclaimed J-- as JayDee set his tea down in front of him, "thank you my dear," said J-- winking at JayDee, "Hey, aren't you going to say anything to your 'hubby' while you're here?" J--'s hand motioned to The Rev as he snorted and laughed.

JayDee's eyes widened at his comment, "MY hubby?" JayDee asked with a gasp, "J--, you're really not helping ..." As she was blushing, she turned and walked back behind the counter shaking her head as she went, leaving the two men sitting at the table laughing.

At this, J-- and The Rev were joined the two regulars who were standing chatting by the counter as they put cream and sugar in their coffees.

"So, what are you two discussing with such seriousness?" asked one of the Regulars as he and the other regular sat down with J-- and The Rev.

"Oh, we're just discussing the rebuilding of the Church," said The Rev.

"And the rebuilding of The Rev's reputation in town," added J--.

"The first one is easy," said the second Regular, "But the second one." he paused as he shook his head, "Well, all I can say is - 'good luck'. Rumours are nasty things, and small minded people will never stop being mean and ornery ..."

"Sheesh," said J-- with a broad smile, "How do you REALLY feel ??"

The table erupted in laughter, drawing the attention of most people in the shop including JayDee who was tending a new customer who had ordered a Snickers Specialty Lattee.

"Hey, on a slightly different note," said J--, "did any of you ever hear about that shrubby family living down near Rapid City in the valley?"

"Shrubby?" asked The Rev, "what does 'shrubby' mean?"

"They're kinda like hippies," stated J--, "they're living in a log cabin the dad built by the river. They have no hydro or anything. They're just trying to live off the land."

"Home schooling the kids?" asked one of the regulars.

"No, actually" said J--, "The kids go into Rapid City and are doing real well."

"So, what's the big deal about this family?" asked The Rev, "they want to live off the grid and grow their own food and everything. What's does that have to do with spring?"

"Oh, it's not that," said J--, "my daughter was telling me this morning about what happened to the family this past spring. And when you were talking about spring I remembered it ..." J--'s voice trailed off as he looked around the table at the dumbfound expressions of his friends.

The other three at the table shook their heads, looking puzzled, then with a smile The Rev asked simply, "where are you going with this man?"

"Oh, yeah," J-- took a sip of his tea as he started is story, "well, it turns out this family had no plumbing in the cabin, so they had a biffy down by the river."

"Biffy?" asked one of the Regulars.

"Even I know that's an outhouse," said The Rev, then glancing at J--, he asked "Isn't it?"

J-- nodded as he continued the story, "Well, their 10 year old son hated the biffy. It was too cold in the winter, too hot in the summer, too full of bugs in the spring and too full of spiders in the fall. And it stunk to high heaven all year round."

"I remember the outhouse on my grand parents' farm up Laurier way," said one of the regulars, "it was just like that ..."

J-- again nodded, "So was the one I grew up with on the North side of the tracks," his thumb jerked out towards the north end of town, "anyway, back to this little guy. He hated the biffy. I mean hated it. So in the spring when the river was running high and it was lapping at the back of the biffy he went down with a big pole and used it to crank the whole works over in to the flood waters."

"He dumped it in the river?" asked The Rev.

"Right in," said J--, slapping the table, "dumped the sucker over into the river and stood to watched it float away down stream."

"Bet he wasn't sad," said one of the Regulars.

"Nope, he wasn't" said J--, "but the story's not over yet."

"So, what happened when his parents found out what he did?" asked The Rev.

J-- laughs and says, "Well that's the kicker of the story. It is supper time and the lad comes in and sits down at the table. As he sits down his father says to him, 'Son, when dinner's done we're going out behind the woodshed for a spanking. Do you know why?' The little guy thinks for a minute and realizes his dad knows the biffy got dumped into the river, so he doesn't try to hide it. 'Yes dad,' the little guy says, 'I am getting a spanking because I dumped the outhouse into the river this afternoon.' The little boy watched his dad who nodded his head, then the little guy tossed his Hail Mary play. 'But dad, in school this week we learned about George Washington, the first president of the United States, and how he valued the truth. Our teacher told us that once when he was a boy, George chopped down a cherry tree and when his father found out and asked him about it, young George told his father that he could never tell a lie, and so he confessed to chopping down the tree and his father never punished him.' The dad nodded his head earnestly and said, 'Yes, son I know all of that, but the difference is that George Washington's father wasn't sitting in the cherry tree when he chopped it down ...' "

The three men at the table with J-- paused for a moment as they glanced at each other, then they began to laugh. J-- had a broad smile on his face as his three companions shook their heads in amusement ...

Monday, February 19, 2007

Overheard at Chipperfields' ... Part LXIV ...

"I see you're branching out," observed J--, as he stood in front of the counter waiting for his tea to be prepared.

"Pardon?" asked Ross, as he stood in front of the cooler.

"The hand bags you've got hanging up around back of the counter there," said J--, with a broad smile, motion with his hand over the counter area to the product aisle behind, "You starting a Bling Bling line or something?"

"Huh?" pressed Ross, looking confused.

"You know," said J--, his smile broadening, "Hand Bags by Ross, the rural pimp ..."

"Oh, not that again," groaned Ross, "I thought we'd left the purple hat and suit jacket fiasco behind."

"Never," said J-- with a laugh, "that was too funny to just forget about it."

"Not for Dani," observed JayDee, as she slid J--'s tea across the counter.

"What does that mean?" asked Ross with a gulp, looking distressed.

"Well, you remember the rancher?" said JayDee her eyes widening slightly, "and the whole thing I had to do to get rid of him?"

Both men nodded their heads as she continued. As JayDee spoke, Bonnie walked up from the back room and stood alongside Ross saying nothing.

"Well, the rumour in town is that Dani kissed The Rev," said JayDee quietly, "and someone told Dani's husband and he's really upset about it."

"He's upset about something that never happened?" said Ross.

"Or at least never happened to Dani?" chuckled J--.

JayDee glared at J--, "It's NOT funny." she stated drily, "Dani's husband has been really upset since it happened."

"But it didn't happen," said J-- laughing.

"We know it didn't happen," said JayDee, "but it did happen."

"Yeah but it was YOU, who laid one on The Rev to get rid of the rancher," observed Ross.

"I KNOW," groaned JayDee clearly exasperated, "you don't have to remind me. MY HUSBAND, won't let me forget it either."

"So, let me get this straight," said J--, struggling not to laugh, "both you and Dani are in hot water because you kissed The Rev to save your bacon?"

"That would pretty much be it," said JayDee flatly, her eyes drilling into J--.

"Any word on how The Rev's wife has taken the news that he's married to someone else?" asked J--, still smiling.

Both JayDee and Ross shook their heads.

"Maybe The Rev needs to make himself scarce around these parts for awhile," observed J--, with a broad smile, "or he might have some hubby's gunning for him."

"We could ask him to stay a way for a week or so," said Ross.

"How would that be?" asked J--, "the poor guy would go through wicked caffeine withdrawal."

"We could arrange for home delivery," offered Ross hopefully.

"Home delivery?" marvelled J--, "How would you do home delivery for The Rev?"

"JayDee could drop it off when she goes home for lunch?" said Ross innocently.

JayDee's eyes widened and J-- burst out laughing.

"Ross!!" sputtered Bonnie in a voice bordering on a shriek, "THAT wouldn't help a damned thing ... it would only make things worse."

"How?" asked Ross, clearly bewildered.

J--'s Tidbits 'n' Trivia ... Part 14 ...

"So, how are you all today?" J-- asked as he approached the table. Behind him Kriss was carrying his tea brewer pot and a mug.

"Good," came the answer from his assembled friends gathered at the table.

"You're late," commented The Rev, glancing at his cell phone sitting on the table in front of him, "what have you been up to today?"

"Oh, I had a doctor's appointment," laughed J-- as he said down.

"Really?" said one of the regulars, "Everything okay?"

"Oh Yeah," said J-- as he adjusted the mug infront of him and thanked Kriss for bringing the tea to the table.

"You're welcome," Kriss said with a warm smile as she returned to the counter.

"Just a check up?" asked The Rev.

J-- nodded, "Yup," he replied as he picked up his tea brewer pot and gave it a gentle swirl, he changed the topic slightly, "I love this Manitoba Organic tea," J-- said looking at the pot, "and my appointment wasn't about the little blue pill." He stated without looking up, then he looked around the table smiling, "So don't even mention it ..."

The assembled crew around the table laughed.

"So the doctor didn't find anything did he?" asked one of the regulars.

"They didn't do a head scan again did they?" teased The Rev.

"Ha ha," laughed J-- as he lifted his tea brewer and began to fill his mug, "No it was nothing like that, just the yearly check up to make sure everything running tickety boo."

"Is it?" asked The Rev.

"Absolutely," answered J--, "the only thing he raised as a concern was my diet."

"You're on a diet?" said one of the regulars.

"No, nothing like that," said J--, "he just wants me to cut down on salty and fatty foods and watch what I eat."

"Really," said The Rev, "guess that will cut out the carrot cake?"

"Not a chance," said J--, "The doctor told me years ago that I had to quit smoking and drinking, and I was able to do that. Then He suggested I had to cut out the caffeine, so I switched to tea. And when my wife passed I had to stop womanizing. So when he starts telling me that if I want to live to be 100, I better cut out the sugary, fatty and salty foods, I just told him ..."

"You'd rather die happy at 80?" said The Rev with a smile.

"Absolutely!!" laughed J--, slapping the table in front of him.

"Sounds like a good reason to celerbate with a slice of carrot cake," observed The Rev.

"Here, here," chimed in one of the regulars.

"Kriss," called J--, "a round of carrot cake for me and my friends ..."

Saturday, February 17, 2007

A Special Day at Chipperfields ...

Today we Celebrated J--'s 40th Birthday
for the 34th TIME !!!

Best wishes were offered,

friends were gathered,

and refreshments and cake were served.

Happy Birthday Grandpa !!

Hugs from Grandkids are the BEST !!!
Is Bonnie giving J-- the BILL ??

Oh ... this is email best wishes from his sons

and their families ...

... sorry guys, I missed J--

wiping away a little tear moments later!!

Party Pics ...

Happy Birthday J-- !!!

Enjoying a slice of Carrot Cake (Birthday Cake)!!

The Crowd of friends have gathered ...

The Best Wishes have been Offered ...

And we've all had a grand time!!!!

Pics of the Party ... Continued ...

What else would you put on J--'s cake??

JayDee, Ross and Bonnie hard at work ...

The Birthday Boy surrounded by friends and deep in conversation.

Happy Birthday Dad !!

The meeting of the BLOGS !!!

Ms H. wishing J-- a Happy Birthday !!

And a HUGE Thank You,

and a warm pat on the Back to Chris

for organizing all of THIS,

and thanks to Bonnie & Ross

and their staff

for making it HAPPEN !!!

Friday, February 09, 2007

Jazzing Up the Coffee ...

Tonight at Chipperfield's the Senior Jazz Band from the High School
came and put on a performance for a gathered group of delighted folks ...
Under the tutelage of Mrs Barb Dowsett, the students offered a delightful
evening of musical entertainment, highlight the incredible talent found in our community.

Hopefully, this is just the first of many more nights of

musical entertainment at Chipperfields ...

... Stay tuned !!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Jazzing up the Coffee ... Part Two

Rockin' at Chipperfields !!

Playing the sticks ...

Stylish on the Keyboard ...

Ross thanking the band and Mrs Dowsett.

The band kicking back and relaxing after a very successful set.
Thanks to Mrs Dowsett and the Senior Jazz Band for a
wonderful evening of music and entertainment,
and thanks to Ross and Bonnie for putting this together ...
Here's hoping it's the first of many more !!

The jar is filling up ...

The Pink Ribbon Lid Plugs are returning ...
... the jar is slowly filling up,
and around the shop are reminders
of the importance of the Research into Breast Cancer.
Stop by and join in the initiative ...
... and help fill the jar on your next visit !!