Overheard at Chipperfields ... Part LII ...

Ross was sitting by the juke box, a pile of mail spread across the table in front of him. J-- and The Rev came in the front door together and approached the table.

"May we join you?" asked J--, motioning to the empty chairs.

"Sure," said Ross, sorting through the pile of envelopes and flyers.

"Do we want to know what you're doing?" asked The Rev, as he turned and moved back towards the counter to order coffee for himself and J--.

"Oh, I got a plan," answered Ross, pulling one envelope free of the pile and uttering "A-ha," as he did so.

"A plan?" echoed J--, as he sat down.

"What kind of plan?" asked The Rev. as he returned to the table, two coffees in hand, "and should we be worried?"

"Nay," said Ross, stretching out the syllable and gazing at the envelope in his hand as though it were some long lost treasure, "I've just come up with an idea that will be good for the community, the church and business here at Chipperfield's."

J-- lifted his nose in the air and said with a sniff, "I smell something bad coming ..."

"Me too," scoffed The Rev. as he picked up his coffee and took a sip.

"Oh you guys are way too cynical," said Ross with a slight whine, "I'm telling you, when I'm ready this Stay-cation idea will fly, and the advertising on the cup sleeves IS going to catch on."

"What about the cup plugs, or whatever they were called?" asked J--, with a smirk, "how did you explain the order for 14 000 boxes of them to Bonnie?"

Ross looked down at the table, his shoulders sagged, "Okay, THAT was a bad idea," he said meekly, "but Bonnie got the company to take back almost all of them."

The Rev laughed as he spoke, "How DID you mistakenly order 14 000 boxes of the little plugs anyway? I've never heard what really happened."

"No, you were just here the morning the deliver truck pulled up with 1200 cases of the stupid things on board and Bonnie hit the roof," observed J-- laughing.

"Okay, it was an honest mistake." pleaded Ross, "I filled out the form on the online site wrong, and put in the wrong number."

"How do you put in and order for fourteen MILLION coffee cup plugs incorrectly?" asked J-- with a snort, "do tell?"

"Okay," Ross began, then glanced over his shoulder, "I was filling out the form and I wanted to a single case, and it said that a single case had twelve boxes of assorted plugs, with 1000 plugs in each box. So, I went to the quantity line and I misread it and put in 100 in the line I thought was for boxes, but it was for 'gross number' of cases, not individual boxes."

"Um, Ross?" The Rev had a furrowed brow as he spoke, "100 boxes of the plugs makes for 100 000 coffee cup plugs." The Rev paused as though he was carefully measuring his words, "What in the name of all that is Holy, were you planning to do with 100 000 coffee cup plugs?"

"I never said I was good in math," said Ross quietly. He then paused before continuing, "I miscalculated a bit ..."

"You think?" roared J--, as he slapped his knee and grinned, "what does Bonnie think about this?"

"Shhhhhhhh" offered Ross as he looked over his shoulder to see if Bonnie was anywhere near by, "the less said the better."

Both The Rev and J-- nodded thier heads.

"So, with some fear and trepidation, I have to ask," said The Rev, still smiling, "what is this new scheme you've come up with?"

"It's not a scheme," said Ross tersely, "it's a plan."

"And the difference is?" asked J--.

"The difference is," answered Ross, "schemes are just that. Plans are ambitious and adventurous."

"Okay," said J-- with a smirk, "tell us about your plan ..."

"Well," offered Ross, as he again picked up the envelope he had retrieved from the pile earlier, "in here ..." he paused to open the envelope and dump out its contents, "is the heart of my idea ..." He dumped on the table three small plastic packages that looked like those you get at restaurants with vinegar in them.

"Vinegar?" asked J-- suspiciously.

"Water," answered Ross triumphantly.

"Water?" asked The Rev.

"Water!" answered Ross.

"You're gonna sell drops of water?" asked J--, clearly confused.

"Not sell them," said Ross, "we're gonna give them away."

"Okay, I'm confused here," said The Rev. "what kind of water do you give away in a little plastic packet?" He held one of the packets in his fingers and looked at it carefully, though with some visible skepticism.

"Holy Water!" announced Ross triumphantly. The Rev dropped the packet as though it had suddenly been enveloped in flames.

"Holy water?" The Rev's voice neared a shout, "Have you lost your mind completely?"

J--'s jaw dropped.

"Hear me out," said Ross, retrieving the packet from in front of The Rev, "if we play this right we could raise money for the Church rebuilding, for other community projects, and we could set up a nice little business enterprise right here in Minnedosa to employ people in the production and mailing departments."

"He's lost it ..." said The Rev dryly, looking at J--.

J-- nodded in agreement.

"No, no," said Ross, "Hear me out."

"I don't know if I want to," answered The Rev cautiously, "this idea actually kind of scares me."

"Okay, here's what we'd do," began Ross, looking earnestly at The Rev and J--, "I got these by calling one of those televangelists on cable. He sends the package of Holy water and instructions on how to make more and on how to use them in your life to bless what you're doing."

The Rev stared at Ross stone faced, J-- was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

"So, my thought is," Ross paused and held up one of the packet infront of J-- and The Rev, "that we get you," his finger motioned to The Rev. "to do a televangelist show of some kind. You can keep it left and liberal, but we tape it and distribute it on tv stations across North America."

"Where does the water fit in Ross?" asked The Rev, his voice sounding like the computer from 2001 A Space Odyssey.

"That's the hook," said Ross enthusiastically, "you end each broadcast telling people that for a small donation you will gladly send them a package of special Holy Water drawn from a pristine source in Manitoba, prayed over by you in your ministry, and send out especially for them ... and they can use it to bless or anoint or whatever they want to do ..."

The Rev sat across the table impassively, saying nothing, his head shaking side to side almost imperceptibly.

"So, where's the money go?" asked J-- still grinning.

"That's the beauty of it," observed Ross, "we pay each of us a stipend, we make donations to the Rebuilding efforts of the Church, The Day Care and even the Heritage Committees, and with what ever is left over we work on expanding."

"Build a religious theme park out by the lake?" asked J-- with a smirk.

"Nothing like that," said Ross quietly, "we use it to invest in staff, equipment and products, and we market The Rev."

For a long moment no one said anything. The Rev then shook his head and stood up.

"I'm out ..." he said as he pulled on his coat, "I could see the Stay-cation idea. I even thought the advertisements on the coffee sleeves might fly, and I could see the cup plug working. But this one ..." he paused as he pulled on his gloves, "this one is just too out there, even for me ..." he turned and headed for the door, "Good night gentlemen," he muttered as he left shaking his head.

"So, do you think he'll go for it?" asked Ross, looking at J--.

J-- just stared back at Ross, and said nothing ... Then after a long moment he spoke, his eyes twinkling, "Yeah," a smiled crossed J--'s face, "Let him sleep on it and he'll be on side." J--'s head shook side to side as he spoke.

Ross contented himself by examining the packets of water once again ...