J--'s Trivia 'n' Tidbits ... Part 7 ...

"Did you know that there are very few good jokes about musicians and musical intruments?" J-- asked as he approached the table, a coffee in one hand, and a sheaf of computer paper in the other.

"That so?" answered one of the two men sitting there.

"Absolutely," replied J--, as he sat down and spread out the paper on the table in front of him, "I need to give a toast at an anniversary party for an old friend who plays saxophone. So I went out on the internet and I found very few jokes that were any good."

"Well, what were the ones you found like?" asked one of the regulars clearly intrigued.

"Well, there's this one," J-- shuffled the papers before he spoke, "What's the difference between a baritone saxophone and a chain saw?"

"I dunno," answered the other regular.

"The exhaust," replied J--.

"Hmm," replied the first regular, "I get it. I agree with it. But it's not that funny."

"Okay, How about this one?" said J--, "What does a lawsuit and a saxophone have in common?"

"What?" asked the second regular.

"Everyone is happy when the case is closed." answered J--.

"Again. I agree with it. But ..." the first regular paused, "It's not that funny."

"Okay, how about this one?" said J-- again, "What do a saxophone and a baseball have in common?"

"What?" asked the second regular.

"People cheer when you hit them hard with a bat." answered J--.

The first regular supressed a giggle, "okay that one is a bit better. I kind of liked it."

"Yeah, but they're not good toast material," said J--, "I need something better."

"What are you looking for?" asked The Rev, who had come into the store while J-- and the boys were holding court.

"I need a good saxaphone player joke," replied J--.

"Isn't that an oxymoron?" said The Rev, "putting good and saxophone in the same sentence?"

"I thought you like John Coltrane?" replied J-- seriously, "isn't he a good sax player?"

"Beyond good," said The Rev, "but what I meant was ... " he paused, took in the grins of the men around the table and decided not to bother after all, "oh never mind ..."

The Rev took a drink of his coffee and then said, "I have a joke for you about a sax player that you could use."

"Let's hear it," said J-- excitedly.

"Well," The Rev began his story, "There was this Sax player named Stevie who hailed from Syracuse and he got a gig at a resort down in the south Pacific somewhere. So he loaded up all his stuff, bought his ticket and away he went ... The flight was going just fine, then suddenly the pilot came on the intercom and said, 'I'm sorry, but we have an inflight emergency and we're going to have put down in the water ... please prepare for impact ..."

The Rev paused, took a sip of his coffee, then continued, "So, the plane crashes just off the shore of a little tropical island and the Sax player is the only survivor, but he loses his luggage and everything ... and for months and months and months he's stranded on the island. He loses track of the time - he's there for years and years and years."

The Rev paused again before continuing, "So one afternoon he's sitting on the beach as he did day after day watching for ships and airplanes or something, and all of a sudden, he notices a small wake in the water. In another moment an absolutely beautiful young scubadiver rises from the surf. She walks to the man and exclaims, " You must be miserable, how long has it been since you have had a great smoke?"While the deranged man stammered for an answer, the lovely lady unzips the side pocket on her sleeve, and produces a Cuban cigar. She pulls out a lighter and lights it for him ..."

The Rev takes yet another sip of his coffee as he continues, "Then she gazes into the now-smoking man's smiling face and whispers, "and how long has it been since you have had a real drink"? Again the man stammers and shrugs, as she unzips her other sleeve to produce a silver flaske filled with premium Brandy. She uncorks the flask and lets him take a long swig. He smiles as he hands the now almost empty flask back. The "aaaahhhh" of his delight is obvious. Then the young woman begins to tug at the front zipper of her wet suit. 'And how long has it been since you have known real pleasure?' The man scrambles to his feet and yells "Oh dear God don't tell me you have my SAXOPHONE in there ???"

"Hmmm," says J-- his chin in his upturned palm, "that might just work ..." he ponders the joke for a moment, "you say his name is Stevie from Syracuse?"

"Or it could be Barry from Buffalo, or Larry from Los Angeles, or Gary from Glendale flippin' California," said The Rev, laughing, "it doesn't matter where he's from, the point is, if he had a beautiful woman on the island he's more into his music than anything else ..."

"I like it," said J--, "I think I can use it ... thank. It's kind of pathetic though."

"Yeah, well I take no responsibility for the follies of others. But, you're more than welcome to use it for whatever you need," The Rev smiled as he stood up for a refill, "Need a refill anyone?"